How to Make the Perfect Apology — MakeItUltra™

This is a really good overview of healthy and healing apologies which is good to know and practice because we all need to apologize sometimes.

Written by Eric C., MA., PhD Candidate “No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again.” ~Buddha 1. Express your remorse Anytime I have ever received an apology, it has always helped to know the other person felt remorse about what happened. We intuitively scan the apologizer, looking for sincerity. If we believe they are sincere, we are more […]

via How to Make the Perfect Apology — MakeItUltra™

Twilight Eyes


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There was a time when I went through a spooky book phase. One that kind of stuck with me, although not with tons of details so forgive if I get anything wrong, is Dean Koontz’s “Twilight Eyes.” This is the teaser:

9780425218648“Slim MacKenzie is no ordinary man. With eyes the color of twilight, he’s been blessed with a psychic gift: premonitions. He’s also been cursed, for Slim can see the monsters hiding among us, feeding on our suffering…”

What I recall about the story is that there are these monsters, all over the place, who take human form and they individually and collectively get off on human pain, suffering, loss and death. So if a disaster happens, they would gather around to watch it. Not content to be passive spectators, these monsters cause disasters, too.


Crazy fiction, right?

Except, you all see what’s going on in the USA lately? Makes me wonder.


When Father’s Day is Complicated — Cherilyn Christen Clough

This is such a power testimony to my friend Cherilyn’s strength and kindness. Please give it a read.


My relationship with my father has been complicated. Many people who read these pages might assume he is the narcissist who set my soul on fire to write this blog, but it was actually a different narcissistic personality in the family who triggered me into remembering my childhood and facing the way I was treated […]

via When Father’s Day is Complicated — Cherilyn Christen Clough

Dead North


What do you know about arsenic? The first time I ever heard of it was in a story about Napoleon. It was thought that he had been poisoned with arsenic.

Most recently, I had been learning about arsenic because we were living in Yellowknife in the Northwest Territories, Canada. There are two retired gold mines in the area, with the mining tunnels running under the city. In these tunnels, there is enough arsenic dust to kill everyone on earth. Apparently, the arsenic has been frozen underground and thus not escaping into the air, soil or water but with temperatures on the rise, the tunnels are thawing.

Tonight, I caught a program on the radio called Distant Future Warnings: The challenges of communicating with eternity.  The introduction says, “Radioactive waste and toxic mining byproducts will remain deadly for thousands of years – maybe forever. Generations in the distant future will need to know about about the places this stuff is buried, and to stay away. Deep in the arsenic-contaminated underground at Giant Mine near Yellowknife, contributor Garth Mullins wonders how we can warn the distant future. Is it even possible to send messages that can outlast governments, languages, cultures, nations – maybe even humans?”

Give it a listen. Hopefully it works outside of Canada. Please let me know if it doesn’t and I’ll try to figure out an alternative.


Blame Casting


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I’m a fan of Ty Gibson. He has an amazing way to talk about the things that really matter.  Recently, I came across one of his short article’s and my mind was blown.



Here’s an excerpt. You may have to read it twice, I did.

“The dark mental enterprise is encapsulated in God’s penetrating diagnostic question to Job: “Would you condemn Me that you may be justified?” (Job 40:8).

Here God puts His finger on our most sensitive nerve. We blame God as a self-justification maneuver. The guilty conscience possesses an impulse to fabricate an image of God that resembles ourselves in order to evade the shame His perfect goodness would thrust upon us if we were to allow ourselves to be confronted by it in one quantum leap of consciousness. “If God is like me,” we subconsciously reason, “then I need not be any different than I am, and I need not feel guilty for the way I am.” My actions and attitudes are justified by attributing them to God.”

Check out the whole article at

That’s a Fact, Jack!


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Sadly, this is a very real experience and one that hits home to me for two reasons. In the past, I saw this 18620634_10155317510328838_6406869147484519574_okind of thing and didn’t know what was happening. I regret not having the knowledge and the backbone to make a difference in those situations.

It also hits home, because one of these people got me in just the way Shannon Thomas describes. While I was taken aback by the shock of it all, the part that hurt, still hurts, is how people I counted as friends so easily turned to the negative. One co-worker called me shortly after the major attack, revealing that he had been “filled in on the story” just before the meeting and suggested I “just apologize” to the accuser. My flying monkey alarm bells went off big time. I now keep safe distance from that co-worker. The worst part is, he is a key leader in the church and I am concerned that his willingness to be a flying monkey will harm  those to whom he ministers.

I encourage you to check out Shannon Thomas’ book, “Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.” Her book is available as paperback, Kindle, and audiobook.

Remember that not everyone who is a jerk is a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath. If we’re honest, we’ve all done things we’re not proud of. However, if you have a person in your life who demonstrates repeated narcistic-like behaviours without genuine remorse (on my blog do a search for “Diversion Tactics), then you need to be very careful, establish boundaries, and perhaps seek professional assistance.

Setting Boundaries

I’m terrible at setting boundaries. It’s true. But I am learning. I think a big part of it is not striving to fit in and seek other’s approval.  If you want to be better at boundaries, check out this article from MakeItUltra. I’m interested in your boundary stories – success or failures – so feel free to share in the comments if you want to.

Written by Eric C., MA., PhD Candidate Audio version available | Click here “I encourage people to remember that “No” is a complete sentence.” ~ Gavin de Becker 1. Identify current boundary crossers The first step in setting healthy boundaries is identifying who it is that is the boundary crosser. How does this person make you […]

via How to Set Healthy Boundaries — MakeItUltra™

The Terror

Have you ever been really afraid? Have you ever experienced terror?

Not too long ago in the city of Red Deer, Alberta, something incredible happened.  There were these new stores opening around town. In these stores you were able rent movies that had been in the theatre just a few years before.  No more waiting for years for the random chance your favourite movie would come out on TV all loaded with commercials. You could go to one of these “video stores” and not only rent 10 movies for only $100 you could also rent the 50 pound machine needed to watch them.

The first weekend we made this discovery we rented all sorts of movies but most of them were horror movies – Friday the 13th, Halloween, The Howling….  I had bad dreams for months after that. When I watched spooky movies I had two methods. One was with a blanket right up to my eyes.  The other way was I would work on something else and just look up occasionally to get the plot points and then looking away at the gross stuff.

Now, I’m not a horror movie fan for two reasons.

First, as a Christ Follower I can’t reconcile the way of Christ with gruesome murder entertainment.  Secondly, I don’t need to watch horror mopexels-photovies because I have raised three teenagers.  Can I get an amen?

Talk about terror! You want your kids to be okay but you watch them and you want to
yell: Don’t go in there! That’s a trap! Look out behind you!  And this is just the stuff we can see when we are around.

Fortunately, we all survived but to this day I’m still gripped by terror when I see their bedroom door slightly opened. I have to say to myself, “Don’t go in there!”

Why the Pain?


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My wife has known about Dr. Gabor Maté for a while but I am just getting into his stuff. A friend shared this click with me and it’s incredibly profound. His statement that he doesn’t ask why the addiction but, “Why the pain?”

He goes on to note that we are trying to run away from pain by numbing ourselves but the answer is to be with the pain.  The thing is, we can only be in the pain when we are surrounded by compassion.

From a faith perspective this is so powerful because Jesus is truly empathetic having known and borne our pain and he is also compassion incarnate.

Please take a few minutes and hear what he has to say. It could change your life or the life of someone you love.


Healthy Alone Time

Do you take time to be alone?  Maybe a retreat or just a quiet walk?  I have done this many times and it has always been beneficial although I must admit that my alone time tends to be a great deal of prayer time. Here’s a good post from MakeItUltra about healthy alone time. Give it a try!

Written by Eric C., MA., PhD Candidate Audio version available | Click here “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” ~ Aristotle When was the last time you had a day to yourself? If you are like most people it was probably a while ago. We live in a world where we are constantly […]

via How to Have Healthy Alone Time — MakeItUltra™