Lately, I’ve been discovering common behaviours of Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths. Keep in mind that those are personality disorders and it’s not a good idea to go around labelling people just because they’re jerks. While I’ve been learning, I found an article by Shahida Arabi at http://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2016/06/20-diversion-tactics-highly-manipulative-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-use-to-silence-you/. Shahida the author of the book She Who Destroys the Light: Fairy Tales Gone Wrong.
I want to highlight a few of the tactics Shadida Arabi includes in her article. Please read the whole article so you can get the full picture.
Toxic people tend to use diversion tactics to escape accountability for their actions and silence you, the target of their abuse. If this is happening to you, I hope you are able to get help and establish healthy boundaries so you may experience hope and healing.
Shame all on it’s own is destructive. It attacks the very part of us that’s capable of change. While guilt can be helpful, leading us to be responsible for our actions, shame tears down who we are as a person. Now take shame and out it in the hands of a toxic person and it is used to whittle away at a victim’s self-esteem; diminishing their sense of self and stifle any pride they may have.
Worst case scenario, a toxic person will shame you for abuse or injustice you’ve suffered in the past. Perhaps they will claim that you must have done something to deserve – you were reaping what you’ve sown. They might hold up their wonderful life to make you feel deficient and unworthy. “As surgeons of madness, they seek to exacerbate wounds, not help heal them.”
“If you suspect you’re dealing with a toxic person, avoid revealing any of your vulnerabilities or past traumas. Until they’ve proven their character to you, there is no point disclosing information that could be potentially used against you.”